At the well

I have been reading a short story from the Bible repeatedly for a few weeks. It is often called “the woman at the well,” in which Jesus speaks to a Samaritan woman. I feel like the Samaritan woman. No, I haven’t been married 5 times or been shunned by society like the woman in the story. But I know that woman was searching for something. She was looking in the wrong places, which led to her shameful lifestyle, but I believe she was ultimately looking for something good like safety or comfort, and she couldn’t find it. I often feel like that- as though the good things that I am seeking are never found where I expect them to be, and sometimes I get so tired of seeking.

So, in recent weeks I have been “seeking” for these elusive good things within the story of the Woman at the Well that I see myself reflected in. But I keep emerging with more questions than answers.

Jesus says that he has living water that will become like a spring welling or bubbling up within the person who drinks it. There is an image of renewal here which is comforting to tired people like the woman in the story and myself. But practically, I wonder, how does this “bubbling up” work? I do have Jesus; I have accepted Him as my savior, and I seek God for guidance and strength. Yet I don’t feel this internal refreshing water “bubbling up continually” in me. Also, the apostle Paul in his letters in the Bible sounds pretty gloomy and tired sometimes, which is not what you would expect from someone who has a continual renewing spring inside of them. I realize that some people would immediately reply that Jesus was talking about continual grace/mercy supplying eternal life through atonement; not necessarily an abounding supply of energy or good feelings on earth. But Jesus does talk about actual physical and mental renewal within this story when he tells his disciples that doing God’s work is like food to him. I simply see an implication in this story that the Spirit is supposed to be a consistent internal resource for believers. But why is the experience as a believer often not constant, but instead characterized by periodic “mountaintop experiences” of renewal? When we’re in between mountaintops, this image of a spring ‘bubbling up continually’ is actually quite frustrating and confusing. I think, I wish I felt renewed by a spring, and why don’t I? If that’s not actually how spiritual life operates, and we’re meant to experience ‘dry seasons,’ then why does Jesus describe a constant “continual” spring here?

Later Jesus says that true believers will worship God in spirit and truth rather than in a particular physical location. One meaning is that people will have the Holy Spirit, so they have personal communication and access to God rather than via priests and temples. But Jesus repeats the phrase “spirit and truth” twice here, so it seems significant. It’s thrown around in worship songs all the time. Maybe this is a clue about how to finally find what I’m looking for, and am tired of seeking. But what does it mean? Is it simply that you’re worshiping in spirit rather than in animal sacrifices, and in truth rather than in hollow obedience, or is it more than that? Am I worshiping in spirit and truth? And can I worship more in spirit and truth, or is it just a yes or no thing?