Spiderman

I had this great winding thought form a few days ago after days of philosophical wonder on my road trip. It’s difficult to explain because the thought seemed to be “bubbling up” from already being inside of me rather than me pursuing it, so I don’t have a clear logic path cut to the thought. It relates directly back- eventually- to my struggle with the woman at the well story, but the explanation should start at my road trip.

Honestly, I didn’t do much philosophizing on my road trips, but once or twice during a drive or a walk, I worked on the tangle that is locus of control and responsibility. Like- who do you claim makes decisions in your life: you, God, fate, your family, the “stars” etc, and next, then who is accountable for making those decisions and taking their consequences as well? I used to have a mostly external locus of control, in that I believed God controlled most things and would make most decisions if I would seek his direction out. But sometimes I also believed this arrangement would shield me from some responsibility to decide; like both the decision and the responsibility were passed onto a third party.

Next thought. The new Spiderman movies have always made me uneasy. They’re great movies, but they depict the struggle between good and evil as an individual, personal struggle, rather than a true good guy versus a true bad guy. The bad guys aren’t demonized; you can sort of feel sorry for them and clearly see when and why they chose evil. You can sometimes see the good guy struggle to choose good over evil. That makes me uneasy because it threatens my comfortable untruth that there is an “us” (good) versus “them” (bad). The less comfortable truth is, we all have the potential for good and evil, and the option to choose either is constantly available to us (us being everyone, there is no “us, the good guys”).

Next thought… My ‘locus of control’ is moving from external towards internal; not solely internal but somewhere in the spectrum. I think God has consistently encouraged creativity, responsibility, and free choice in his kiddos. I think that in the past I’ve tried to become a little bit invisible by not interacting with my decisions at all before I passed them onto God. My thought was if I didn’t interact with the decision, I have no struggle/dealing/interaction with evil either, making me a member of the fictional “us”. But looking at the Bible, in Genesis with Adam and Eve, and how God speaks to people throughout the Bible, I don’t think he wants us to be invisible. He seems to enjoy when a person is uniquely thoroughly themselves, like King David dancing around. (Sigh for this youth-campy comparison…) Like in Spiderman, God gives great power, but also great responsibility. Sometimes in the past I had hoped to decline a large portion of both the power and responsibility. But that doesn't quite work out, *because*....you have to acknolwedge your power to choose evil in order to truly choose good.

And now the well: Then I wondered if being your true self could lead to you knowing God more. Seems logical- he created us to be unique, and as we take on our created shape, we fit more closely to God too. Then I thought of the woman at the well, and my big struggle to understand that passage. When Jesus talked to that woman, he continually reminded her that despite her best efforts to be invisible, he saw her. She kept trying to change the subject away from herself, but he kept switching it back to her. Then he cryptically says that there is a way that she wouldn’t have to come to the well to draw water anymore; a spring could “bubble up” from inside of her instead. Here I see the external (the well) and the internal (the bubbly spring). While she longs to be invisible and go to the well, being swept along dealing with external things instead of internal, Jesus points to the internal. It's like he's saying not only does he see her, but she has wonderful inherent value and gifts, and he knows because he gave them to her.

I am wondering then: maybe greater attention should be given to valuing who God made you, and discovering what that is. Being yourself is ignored in many churches and strongly discouraged in some, but I think being uniquely who you were created to be may be a key to knowing God most fully.

Well then here's to being you (cheers!). Happy New Year!