The years go by faster and faster! I love how a new year always seems like a fresh start. Granted, it's an arbitrary division of time, and nothing was actually tangibly different the moment that 2012 rolled over into 2013. But New Year is a handy mile marker. I now know every single event contained in 2012. I know almost nothing about what events and seasons 2013 is made of. But I do have hopes.
I hope that I spend less time on my smart phone and online, and more time engaged in real life. I don't spend any crazy amount of time on either, but I've been nostalgic for the times before mobile devices, before Facebook, and before people had their home computers on and running 24-7. Sure, back then I couldn't indulge every single mental whim I had at the instant that I had it (What is 'Screech Powers' up to now? How did the term 'face plant' get established in modern vocabulary? I wonder if that acquaintance I just thought of from 2005 ever became a missionary or had a kid? How tall is the average 2 story house? When is Grey's Anatomy starting up again?).... But I think I'd be happier not knowing those trivial things and never getting my phone out to search for them. I know that Rowan notices when I'm on my phone even before I notice that he noticed me. I don't like the idea of my son watching me gaze at this device so much and so often, inferring that it is incredibly important to me. No, actually, what Screech is up to is not important to me. I want the way that I *spend* my time, and *pay* my attention, to reflect that.
I hope that I spend more time on spiritual things. I finished my bible reading plan last month (CHECK! For 30 before 30) and Greg and I just started our "read the Bible in a year" plan yesterday. We are reading it canonically, or cover to cover, which I have never done. I've always read a 3 or 4 track plan with some history, wisdom, prophets, and new testament for each day. It should be an interesting and, I hope, enlightening experience, though I expect to have to store up strength to power through some of the history books in the first half of the year. But at least the dry parts will get done more quickly on this plan. I've also never read through in the NIV translation, so I hope that brings some new insights too.
I hope to resist my tendency to ascribe motivations to others, and to let go of the times I've done that in the past. This is a hard one because as a counselor, a huge part of my job is to infer people's motivations, especially including ones that are hidden from themselves, in order to construct an effective plan for treatment and change. So I'm wired to wonder, "Did she say that because she's jealous?" "Did she do that because she has negative feelings about this?" "Did his word choice indicate that he's secretly frustrated?" This is good practice in counseling. But it's not good practice in everyday life. Its just kindling for anxiety and drama. I can truly work myself up about what others think of me, or what they think I think of them, and regardless of whether my guesses are true, the process only drains my energy. I hope to be able to Live and Let Live in this regard; to say that if someone has a complaint about me, it's their responsibility to share it, and until they do, its absolutely irrelevant and not my problem, responsibility it business. And the same goes for me, and anyone or anything I have a problem with. I can share it, respond to it in some way, or accept it, but dwelling on it is counterproductive for me while doing nothing about the original problem. It's like a saying in Al-Anon, "Harboring resentment (hate/unforgiveness) is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die."
I hope to really enjoy 2013. I still feel like my 30's are going to be delicious. I feel much more sure that god is leading me somewhere, towards something, and that I'm not just forgotten and drifting. I feel sure that my complete purpose for this season will take shape in time. And I feel much more content in the meantime than I did in the previous several months.
And lastly I hope to BE ABLE TO BUY THE LAST WHEEL OF TIME BOOK WHEN ITS RELEASED THIS WEEK!!! Woooooooo.... I've been reading 13 years for this.